Giving Up Goals for Habits

While in graduate school, I was required to have a meditation practice.  It was one of the many unique experiences I had while getting a degree in holistic health education.  In that setting there was everything I needed to sustain the habit: guidance, expectation, support. 

In the years that followed graduate school my mediation practice took many forms from non-existent to thriving.  I moved in and out of work and life settings where meditation blended easily.  When my daughter was young, we would listen to guided meditations together before bedtime.  It felt natural and connected.  At other times it was a struggle.  Chasing a promotion at work while building a new house, I was so externally focused and not connected to my inner experience.

Last year I had an ah-hah moment with my meditation practice when reading Atomic Habits by James Clear.  Over the years I’ve gotten hung up on the goal of meditating vs. the habit.  There’s plenty of evidence on the benefits of meditation including decreased stress and anxiety, increased self-awareness, better focus and concentration, and emotional regulation.  So I needed no convincing that I wanted it in my life.  And yet, I seemed unable to sustain the habit.

That lightbulb moment from the book had me thinking more deeply about the distinction between habits and goals, as I’ve spent much of my life being very goal focused.  Goals are very effective when seeking a measurable result for a specific outcome.  Meditation isn’t a one-time event I am trying to accomplish.  It’s a lifelong activity I want to incorporate into my daily life. 

Here are the tips I’ve picked up on building a strong habit around my meditation practice.

Not waiting for conditions to be perfect to do the work

There have been many days when the location, time of day, or my mood wasn’t perfect for meditating.  Instead of trying to get myself to the place to be ready to meditate, I just meditated.  I showed up.   A “bad” day of meditation, one where I didn’t have enough time or wasn’t as present as I’d hoped, was better than not practicing at all.  Since that moment, I haven’t missed a day of meditation practice.

Not performing for myself or others

The moment mediation must accomplish something it takes on new meaning.  With meditation, I’m not trying to accomplish something like meditate longer, be more present or have divine inspiration.  That would be goal focused.  Instead, I’m simply showing up for practice each day and letting the experience unfold.

“I am” a meditator

Rather than seeing myself as someone that someday would call myself a meditator when I arrived at some stage, I put myself in that place now.  In Atomic Habits, James Clear makes a great point about thinking and behaving now like who you want to be.  As someone who has committed to meditating daily, if I get stuck, I can ask myself “what would someone that meditates do?”

Shedding expectations

Throughout the process of making mediation a daily habit again I’ve confronted many expectations. Expecting mediation to feel a certain way, to have a certain impact on my life, to be able to meditate for much longer periods of time.  The learning in this experience has been to release those expectations and be willing to re-set with a new vision. 

It turns out meditating isn’t hard.  The habit isn’t hard.  It was all the “stuff” I’d built around the goal of having a committed meditation practice.  Focusing on the fundamentals of building a good habit was way easier and more productive than fulfilling a goal I’d struggled with for so long.

The next time you are struggling to achieve a goal do a pulse check to see if creating a better goal or building stronger habits would carry you to your result with less effort.  Improving member experience would be best tackled through a SMART goal that can be shared with the team, measured, and tracked.   Whereas, having a more productive workstyle can see greats gain through building strong habits.  

Knowing when to set goals and when to focus on habits turns out to be a very useful skill in becoming your future self with more direction and ease.